You shall never wash my feet

John 13 is the well known passage of Jesus washing His disciples' feet. I've heard many a talk on this, and on a couple of occasions this has actually involved actually taking part in a feet-washing exercise. The common lesson taken from this passage is that we need to display the humility and servant-hood that Jesus did. This is most certainly a valid and important lesson to learn, but a guy from our Church called Chris Cordner opened this passage up further.

We spend so much of our time trying to be "good" Christians, and we focus a lot on how we should and shouldn't act. In fact so often we focus on the rules and regulations of our lifestyles and actions, that faith becomes legalistic and restrictive. We begin to assess our faith solely by "behaving" like a Christian. And whilst undoubtedly our behaviour should change significantly when we follow Jesus, it is not the most important aspect of our walk.

In this passage when Jesus comes to wash Simon Peter's feet he protests:

"No, you shall never wash my feet"

Why did he refuse when Jesus had already washed the other disciples' feet? Maybe he was proud. Maybe he thought he was passing a test. But probably because he knew who Jesus was and he couldn't bear the thought  the Lord lowering himself to such a level.

But it was Jesus' desire, and joy to wash Simon Peter's feet. The passages leading up to chapter 13 are full of Jesus wanting to give to His followers.

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry" (6:35)

"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (8:32)

"I am the good shepherd... and I lay down my life for my sheep" (10:14)

How often do we focus on what we have to do rather than what God is doing for us? And yet isn't the very basis of our faith that we are saved and changed by grace, not because of anything we do. And that isn't a one-off event. It's not that once we become a Christian God has done His part and then it's over to us. "Sanctification" means the process of becoming more like Jesus. Not through our own effort, but by God's work in us through His Holy Spirit.

So chapter 13 does indeed teach us about humility and servant-hood, but it reflects that Jesus wants to give to us, to serve us. As I reflect on this, I reckon that God wants to give me so much more than I allow Him too. It's not because I don't want more, I probably just think I need to do something to earn it! But that's earning grace, thinking you don't need the power and work of Christ, and it's called being self-righteous. And in the words of Jesus himself:

"I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance" (Luke 5:31)

So I now see Jesus' actions in a completely different light. And just as he kneels before Simon Peter, so too he kneels before us. Will our response be to go it on our own, or will we, will I, allow Jesus to give me more than I can imagine.

A heavenly lullaby

The purpose of these blogs has been to try to give depth and consistency to my personal exploration of faith in Jesus, and to flesh out some of my thoughts. The battle for a consistent and steady walk with Jesus is one that has raged in my life since I gave my life to Him when I was 12. It's a battle that all Christians face - trying to move away from the up and down rollarcoaster to a regular devotion to Jesus from one day to the next, maintaining discipline, passion and perspective. I might sing the words "Jesus be the centre", but how do I actually make him the centre in reality.

I was in Aberdeen visiting friends at uni and we had been out all day, and were planning to head out to the town in the evening. Being a lazy student and not used to all the activity, naturally I required a lie down before heading out. As I lay there a number of things came into my head: being a bloke, girls and football topped the list. But a verse came into my head that my minister is fond of:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Phillipians 4:8)

 Think about such things. It dawned on me that in those 15 minutes of lazy-time, I could think about the girl I liked, or daydream about being with her; or I could daydream about playing in the Irish League (I aim high...). Or in those 15 minutes, I could literally think about God. I could literally, think about Jesus. I could literally think about His sinless sacrifice, for me the sinful.

I know of a few people who really struggle to sleep at night, and I wonder what they think about. Alot of us avoid thinking, constantly on Facebook or Twitter, never being alone with our thoughts. But when we do, what is it we let our mind wander to?
Too often prayer is boxed into a "down on your knees" structured, and time-limited act. Yet surely prayer is allowing God the space to move in our hearts and minds. Part of prayer is allowing the Holy Spirit to move. I read in Psalm 4 today these verses:

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord. Many are asking "who can show us any good?". Let the light of your face shine upon us O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. (verses 4-8) 

Do I want to keep Jesus at the centre of my life? Do I want Him to shape my thoughts, my actions, my decisions, my perspective?

Therefore holy brothers... fix your eyes on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess (Hebrews 3:1)

Literally, think about Jesus. Not necessarily all of the time, but at some point in our day we must surely make space to consider what Jesus has done for us, and how that changes everything.

From that night in Aberdeen the simple lesson for me is, when I have free time should I sit on my laptop mindlessly browsing, should I daydream about that goal or that girl? Or would it be more beneficial for me to be still, to search my heart, and consider Jesus?

What's the point...?

Over the summer months I am working in a caravan park on the north coast and I recently encountered a woman who seems pretty set-up. She and her husband both owned successful farming businesses which they sold for big money. They are now retired and living comfortably with a lovely caravan here in the park. Yet I have never met anyone in quite as much desperation. She and her husband both suffer from illness, and they are both desperately unhappy, which is evident in their relationship. In our brief conversation she displayed no hope, talking of her death, and on the verge of bursting into tears in front of me. And it isn't the first time. This has happened on several occasions now. She said she wished that she had never given up their farm, stating "what's the point in having all that money?". Her despair bears striking resemblance to Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:2:

"meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless"

 She had worked hard, earned and saved. She had provided for herself a comfortable retirement, yet what is it worth? With death a reality to an elderly woman such as her, money is no help. Money is no good to a broken relationship. In the end all that she has achieved and strived for is meaningless in the face of death.

A few days later I spoke to a friend, also 22 and a graduate. Although he has brains to burn, academic and athletic ability that many are so hungry for, he isn't content to have a comfortable, respectable, well-paid job. Similar to the elderly lady, he has a perspective on life that allows him to see that status, and money are not going to provide meaning to his life. Although he is unwilling to subscribe to the life-course expected of him, he is aware that he currently "has no meaning".
The meaning of life... it's age-old question that we all look to answer. Especially at my stage of life when you have dropped off the 17-year education map that has been set before you, and you start asking "what am I going to do with my life?". Entry into the "real-world" is a daunting prospect. Why am I here? Who am I?

In studying Hebrews one of the key verses that stood out to me was this:

"In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering" (2:10)

"...For whom and through whom everything exists...". Everything exists because of God, and everything exists for God. And it is for this reason that I remain confident in Christ, and unafraid of the path ahead of me. What matters is not my job, or my house, financial situation of relationship status, but God. At this stage I am thankfully that I can say, in the words of Horatio Spafford's beautiful hymn, "whatever my lot - it is well with my soul".

Faith and trust in a creator God is one that is now belittled and discredited by so many as myth and legend, yet it is one that rings true with the souls of many. Confidence in Christ, which brings peace and rest to the soul. One that overcomes every scenario, every factor.

The search for meaning, far from being a cliche, is a real struggle for us all. My fear for so many of the people I know is that unlike the folks I've mentioned in this post, that they aren't ready to consider the temporary nature of the lives we currently lead, and aren't willing to face the questions.

Who am I? What am I living for? What's the point?

Feeling sheepish...

If you've ever watched 24 you'll know about Kim Bauer's tendency to ignore instructions and land herself in the hands of the evil men that Jack will eventually remove. Jack gives instructions, Kim ignores them, gets in trouble, Jack puts his life on the line to save her, and the process begins once more. 

The whole history of the Church is characterised by this same pattern. Time and time again we see God's people disobey Him and lead themselves into despair, in need of God's rescuing and salvation. Despite God's unending goodness, grace and mercy, and despite proving Himself faithful and trustworthy, His people rebel, ignore, and wander astray. From Adam and Eve's disobedience in Eden in Genesis 3, the Old Testament is littered with a people who mess up and fail, run back to God, only to slip up again, and again...

It's this theme that makes me identify with the Old Testament. Their story is my story. When I look at their stunningly brilliant ability to consistently forget God's goodness, it's like looking into a mirror reflecting my own nature. Countless times I have worshipped God in the presence of His glory, astounded by His love, His goodness, and His majesty, only to return to my self-centred routines satisfying the self and minimizing his death. I love King David because although he is described as a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), he messed up big time with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11).  

we all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way (Isaiah 53:6)

My spiritual journey is one that all too often resembles a sheep who strays off. I know the guiding and feeding hand of the Shepherd, but I regularly forfeit it.

I love the Bible because the stories of God's people thousands of years ago are my stories now. 

I have recently tried to revive my own personal devotions, part of the reason that I have started blogging. I've been studying the book of Hebrews. Hebrews is written to a group of Jewish Christians who apparently have been starting to turn back to the ways of their old religion - they have forgotten the glory of Jesus. I didn't choose Hebrews, it just happened to be the book that my study notes were based on this month - but in thinking about it now, could there be a more appropriate book for me in the present?

The writer of Hebrews reminds these Christians that JESUS is paramount. Above the angels, above creation, Jesus is the radiance of God's glory, sustaining all things by His powerful word. 

we must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away - for if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation (2:1)

I am comforted and encouraged that my stumbling and circling walk is one experienced by God's people throughout history, but I don't want to rest in that knowledge. I, we, have a GREAT salvation. A God who is faithful and gracious. In studying Hebrews I have been reminded that if there is one thing that will sustain my walk - it is Jesus Christ. He is the only thing that will be sufficient in acting as Shepherd to this wandering sheep, to guide this pillock successfully in my pilgrimage.